If You Love Something, Set It Free
by TwistAndShoutRippedMyHeartOut
Summary: If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was. Dean is more upset about Sam's trials than he's letting on. Castiel wants to help. Warning: Possible spoilers season 8. Depressing topics.


These damn trials were really taking their tole on Sam. Dean was beginning to believe that Sam wouldn't make it out alive, that he would be alone again. This thought was killing him, so...when Sammy went to bed, he broke out the alcohol.

He'd had it hidden for a while in case something like this happened; in case the pain was once again unbearable and he was forced to drink to keep the tears at bay. Alcohol did have a comforting effect on him, afterall.

At first he drank one beer. Not too fast, but each sip that passed down his throat burning its way into his stomach had a purpose. One for Jo, Ellen, Ash and Rufus, more for his mom, his dad; each sip had a name. Each name brought out the bitterness in Dean. He fought memories of Lisa and Ben; of a life he would never have.

With each swallow, these names could be forgotten. Memories of hell resurfaced again, so he took another drink.

A drink for each time he'd been betrayed by people he trusted...an extra one for each time it was Cas who betrayed him.

Cas...where was he anyway, Dean wondered. Maybe if he called, he would come...

He would come...

And do what exactly? Tilt his head at the perfect angle when Dean made a joke? Complain that Dean should be more worried about shutting the gates of hell than Sam? To say he didn't have time for a pointless call?

So...Dean didn't call. He didn't want to bother the Angel...but he was worried about him, too.

There was a Dr. Sexy MD marathon on television, so he watched that...but not even the drama-filled sex-craving environment of Mercy Grace Hospital could cheer him up. Too many beers later, he stumbled back into his room and fell onto the bed. He wasn't in his boxers and a t-shirt like he'd grown accustomed to recently, but instead resorted back to his old ways of falling asleep with his jeans and boots on. The alcohol made his mind hazy; he'd subconciously fallen back into old routines of sleep not being restful because they were in constant danger. Sleep was a necessity, not a luxury.

"Cas..." he found himself saying anyways. "Cas, buddy...I need you..." His voice sounded so broken, so finished; like it had in the hospital after Alistair had nearly killed him that time. It now seemed so long ago.

"Dammit..." he said, voice cracking. "Dammit, you stupid Angel, don't you leave me here, don't you fucking dare!" Dean closed his eyes, fighting back tears. Soon enough, his pillow was damp and he was sobbing.

"Dean...? It took me a while to find you. This place, it's...guarded. Are you alright?" came the rough, gravelly voice Dean didn't expect to hear that night.

The Winchester rubbed his eyes then rolled over toward Castiel's voice, wrapping his arms around the angel's waist. "Cas..." Dean sobbed into his shirt, unable to prevent his buried emotions from raging out. Alcohol never had this effect on him, but everything seemed to be adding up.

"Why...are you crying?" Castiel asked Dean carefully. He placed his hand on the hunter's shoulder, not quite sure what to do in order to comfort the man. Dean slowly looked up at Cas, and he smiled. It was as if all the sorrow temporarily vanished, and Cas would have believed it if it wasn't for the tear tracks very clear on Dean's face.

"Crying? Who's crying? Crying is Sam's thing. Men don't cry!" Dean bit his lip before sitting up. "Right, Cas? I don't cry...so...why am I crying...?" The question was so...earnest...as if Dean really had no idea what had gotten him to this point. He was now clinging to Cas's shirt as if he'd disappear (which wasn't entirely out of the question for the angel).

By this point, (a while ago, actually) Cas had realized that Dean was, in fact, intoxicated. He would never be so open if he was sober, so hurt. If Dean wasn't drunk, he would hide all of these things from the world, and here Castiel was actually _witnessing_ it. He knew he wouldn't be able to talk about it to Dean in the morning, so he decided to be there for him while he had the chance.

"Dean...you are allowed to cry. It doesn't make you weak." Cas hesitated before wiping a tear from Dean's face.

A very broken pair of green eyes rimmed with red searched the blue ones above him. "How do you know? You're an angel, you don't cry."

Castiel smiled sadly at him. "That's why God made you. The human race; the fact that you can cry is what makes you a beautiful creation."

Dean sighed, letting his head rest against the angel's stomach. He stared at his shoes before mumbling, "My boots are still on..."

Castiel tilted his head. What an odd thing to say, he thought to himself. "Would you rather them not be?"

Nodding, Dean laid back on the bed, legs still dangling off. "Oh well."

Still confused, Castiel reached down and lifted up first Dean's left leg and unlaced his boot, tugging it off and followed with the right. The man lifted his head, curious, and watched as his shoes were removed for him.

"Thanks, Angel...that's lots better."

"You're welcome, Dean."

There was an almost-comfortable silence, and for a moment Cas thought Dean had fallen asleep. He was about to leave, but Dean sat back up and tugged Castiel forward, hard. The angel was caught off-guard and fell onto the hunter ungracefully. Dean, for the life of him, would not let go then. He wrapped his arms around Castiel and held on tight.

"Don't leave me, don't leave, don't you leave, Cas...don't leave..."

Dean was crying again. Cas lifted his head from the man's chest where he landed and looked at Dean seriously.

"I won't, Dean...I'm not going anywhere..." Cas whispered to the once again crying Dean. He let his forehead fall to his and sighed._ How was he supposed to bring comfort to a wrecked Dean Winchester?_ Not even the man's own brother could do that. All he could do was look in sorrow at the hunter he held so much admiration for, the righteous man...The man who had saved the world countless times, the human being with more heart than any other Castiel had seen in before in all of his being.

Dean looked up and glanced at Castiel's lips. He then proceeded to wrap his arms around his neck, fingers through his hair and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to his lips.

"Thank you, Cas..." he mumbled, a blush coming through all the freckles and the darkness of the room. Cas's eyebrows rose with his heartbeat. Why would Dean do such a thing?

He shook those forbidden thoughts from his mind and rolled off of Dean. He then lifted up the hunter into his arms and moved him to lay the correct direction on the bed, placing him gently under the blankets, his head on a dry pillow.

Dean's eyes grew panicky. "Cas...Don't leave, please..." Castiel smiled softly and told him he would stay and to go to sleep.

"You'll feel better in the morning, Dean. Just close your eyes," the angel told him softly.

Dean refused. He sat back up stubbornly and pointed to the angel's shoes. "Take off your shoes!"

Cas stared at Dean for a moment, but decided to comply nonetheless. He pulled off each shoe then set them neatly on the ground beside the bed. "Is that better, Dean?"

"Almost. This, too. WAIT. You can't sleep dressed like a...a tax accountant..."

"Dean, I don't sleep-"

"Shut up, tonight you do."

Castiel stared at his drunken hunter, very confused as to what it was Dean wanted exactly.

Dean shuffled out of the bed and stumbled to his dresser, opening a drawer. He smiled wide as he pulled out a t-shirt and held it up to Cas. "Wear this!"

Castiel stared at him evenly before sighing. "Dean, you're intoxicated. I don't believe you would want me wearing your clothing otherwise."

"I always want you wearing my clothes...they'd look better than J-Jimmy's clothes...We should take you shopping, so you can have **_Cas's_** clothes! Then...then you wouldn't have to wear his..." Dean trailed off and stumbled towards Cas, laughing when as he fell into him. "Sorry..."

Castiel watched with a distant interest as Dean slipped his hands under his trench coat, pulling it off of him. He did the same with his suit, then tugged his tie until the knot came loose.

"Dean...what are you doing?"

"I told you, I want you to wear this instead..." he mumbled, head drooping to his shoulder.

Castiel let out a breath, patience running thin. "Okay, Dean, give it to me and I'll put on the shirt, okay?"

Dean nodded, smiling wide. "Want pants too? I have pajama pants...I gotta change into some of those, too...Well...I'll just sleep in my boxers. But you might not want to...Do you mind that, Cas?" Dean asked him, genuinely concerned.

This caused Castiel to laugh. He wasn't going to be able to leave, was he?

"No, Dean, I suppose I don't mind. Give me a minute, okay?" Castiel fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, never having to deal with the complexities of undressing before.

"Here, l-lemme help..." Dean mumbled, slurring his words as he became sleepier.

Cas allowed him to help, then changed out of his shirt. Dean dropped his pants and kicked them off by the bed before crawling back under the covers, then looked up at Cas expectantly, lifting the covers next to him.

Castiel thought for a moment, _I can leave when he falls asleep and he won't even remember me being here._ He decided that would work and made his way towards the bed, wary. Dean looked down at his pants and frowned.

"Drop 'em. I told you, you can't sleep with pants on. Silly angels..." Castiel rolled his eyes at the man, but obeyed regardless, kicking his next to Dean's. "Okay, you can come lay down now."

Dean smiled at Cas as he sat on the bed, feeling awkward doing something so unfamiliar. He then opened up his arms in a gesture Castiel never expected to see from the hunter._ "Come here,"_ he demanded of the angel. Castiel's eyebrows shot up and he slowly laid back against the bed. Dean frowned for a minute before tugging on his shirt, trying the get his angel to come closer. Understanding but not quite wanting to obey when he knew how Dean would react in the morning if he DID remember anything, Castiel hesitated before shifting closer to Dean. Dean, tired of waiting, wrapped an arm around the angel's waist, threw a leg over his and let his head rest on his chest. Cas had no choice but to let this happen, given his current circumstances.

"Dean...?" he asked after a moment.

Silence.

Cas was about to believe he'd fallen asleep when he felt a wet spot forming on his shirt. He looked down and saw that Dean was again crying. His eyes were closed, but he was shaking and clutching to Cas like it was all he had left to hold on to.

Not sure what to do, Cas wrapped one arm around him and wiped the tears away gently with his free hand. "Shh...hey, you're okay...Dean...don't cry..."

"Going Guns 'N' Roses on me now, are you? It suits you..."

Cas tilted his head as best as he could laying down, not understanding what dean was referencing, but it got a smile from the broken man on his chest.

For lack of another term, Dean snuggled up closer to Cas, as close as he could possibly get, really. He kissed Cas's cheek and burrowed into his neck, falling asleep shortly after. Castiel pulled the blanket around them both, about to leave. In fact, he would have...but he couldn't. Something had him trapped there.

He looked at Dean's arms...

Written messily in black ink were various angel capturing sigils, all ones Castiel didn't think Dean knew about. He must have looked into it at some point.

Suddenly, Dean's words from earlier came back to him. _Don't leave._

How long did Dean want him to stay?

He carefully lifted the pillow they were currently using and found another sigil.

Odds of him getting out before Dean woke up were slim.

"Don't go..." Dean mumbled into Castiel's shirt. It was too soft to even classify as a whisper, more a breath of air, but he heard it. Dean was talking in his sleep.

Castiel listened for more words, and that was what he got. "No...Cas...isn't you...need you...I need you...love you...C-Cas..."

Cas was shocked. Had he heard that correctly? No, that would be impossible.

He wrote it off as such, and Dean didn't say anything else the rest of the night.

Once the sun rose, Castiel wondered how long Dean could sleep. Sam walked into the room and Cas instantly understood why Dean was feeling so upset lately. Sam looked like Hell.

Dean, you gonna make...Cas? Uh...sorry...I'll just..." he mumbled, face turning pink.

"Sam, I'm trapped."

Sam looked at him, confused. "Just move him, dude."

"I...can't...he wrote...angel sigils on his arms, and on the pillows and blankets and probably all the doors."

Curious, Sam looked at the back of the door and sure enough, there was another sigil there.

"Well...Good luck with that, Cas!" Sam walked back into the other room, shutting the door behind him. He figured this was a good thing, Dean would finally realize his feelings for the angel! Besides, even if he didn't, it would be hilarious when he woke up.

Eventually, Dean did wake up. He didn't move at first; his head was killing him. Instead, a low moan passed his lips. Castiel understood he was in pain and had a hangover, so he brushed his fingers against his head and healed him.

Dean tensed up and realized he wasn't alone before looking up at the person he was practically cuddling with. "Cas...?" he asked, genuinely confused.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean fought a blush, along with irrational anger and surprise. Dean swallowed before asking, "Why are you here?"

"You called me here, Dean."

"When?"

"Last night while you were intoxicated."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Cas...what else did I do last night?"

Cas glanced at the shirt he was wearing before clearing his throat. "You fell asleep pretty quickly, actually."

He looked at Cas's chest, attempting to pull away but unable to move. "You're wearing my shirt."

"You insisted that I sleep here even though I do not require sleep, and then informed me I couldn't sleep in a tax accountant's clothes..."

"Shit...I...What else did I say?" Dean was blushing now, still tugging his arms that would not move.

Castiel touched his forehead once again, bringing back the previous night. Dean immediately blushed and closed his eyes for a moment. "I am so sorry, Cas...I must have made this so awkward for you."

A small smile ghosted across Castiel's lips. "You were quite entertaining, actually."

"So...why can't I move?" he asked, finally addressing their situation.

"It...appears you've drawn a bonding sigil on your arm as well...a human to angel one. You must have thought it was like the rest..."

"Does it wear off?" Dean asked seriously. He didn't want to call for Sam if he didn't have to.

"It...is just pen. We could wash off that one and then YOU would be able to move, but I am still stuck here thanks to your many sigils located around the room."

Dean stared at him. "You can't move at all? But if I get rid of this one, I can move?"

Cas shrugged. "I can move around the area...but not from this room."

Dean bit his lip. "Alright. Well..."

Castiel's smile widened as he laughed. "I still don't understand why you made me wear your shirt...It's quite comfortable."

"Shut up, Cas, this isn't funny. I was drunk, it's not my fault."

Cas licked his lips before pulling Dean's arm to his lips.

"Hey, what are you-"

The bonding sigil was on Dean's inside wrist it seemed, so Cas licked over it for a second. Dean's heart had sped up drastically but he didn't want to look away. Cas wiped at his wrist for a moment until the sigil was completely erased and Dean found he could move. He didn't at first, staring at Cas. He moved quickly after that, getting up to find sigils he'd made when he was drunk. He was feeling very embarrassed over everything he'd said last night.

Hell, he even _undressed_ Cas. He wanted to do that in an entirely different situation. (Well, honestly the situation probably wouldn't be all that different...)

He kissed him yesterday, too...didn't he? Cas didn't even...do anything. Maybe it didn't bother him...? Or he was so surprised he didn't know what to do.

Shit. Dean was worried, now. He knew he had at least three sigils left, but he didn't want Cas to take off.

Dean risked a glance at Cas, only to find him staring straight at him, sitting up in his bed still not dressed. Dean blushed; his mind really couldn't handle that right now. Maybe if he turned away, he could ignore it.

"Dean?" Cas asked, closer than before. Dean's whole body tensed and he looked behind him.

"Yeah?" he asked, close enough to Cas now that he could kiss him if he wanted to.

Cas hesitated a minute before wrapping his arms around Dean. He held on tight, too, before speaking so softly Dean had to struggle to hear the words.

"You don't have to be strong all the time...You have survived the unimaginable, Dean Winchester." Cas backed up enough to look into the green eyes he always seemed to be seeking out. "You never cease to amaze me. I would never leave if I didn't have to; I want to stay with you and Sam forever, I want...to be able to protect you always. But...even when I leave, I always come back. I will always come back to you, Dean."

Dean stared at the angel in front of him, hanging on every word. Cas, who sucked with his words, had just told him everything he needed to hear.

"Shedding tears does not make you weak just as wielding a sword does not make you strong." Castiel cupped Dean's face in his hands and leaned his forehead against the Winchester's. "I thank you for showing me that our paths are not set; we can choose our own destinies, and...I..." Cas trailed off.

"...What is it, Cas?" Dean whispered, unable to find his voice.

Castiel looked down. "It...would be inappropriate of me. Forgive me."

Dean smiled softly. "Tell me, Cas. Please."

"I..." Cas cleared his throat. "I need you, Dean. Just as much as you need me."

Dean's heart skipped a beat and Cas looked worried for a second. He could hear it. Dean looked into Cas's eyes, searching for the truth and he found it. He leaned in closer to his angel, slithering his arms around his waist before pressing his lips to Castiel's.

This time, Cas responded. Dean wasn't drunk now; Dean actually wanted this, Cas told himself. Just like he did.

"I love you, Dean..." Castiel told him seriously once they parted. Dean's eyes widened and he smiled.

"Love you, too, Angel." He winked before finding the last few sigils and cleaning them from the walls.

**_"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was."_**

—Unknown


End file.
